2012, Building Upon Foundations

For the first time in my life i get to sit back and reflect on a year i tried to predict, sitting next to me is the very words i typed out for my breakout year post...and reading back now a year wiser makes me realise a few things.

I sat down last year saying that i would be the person to watch for, the one that could adapt to changes faster than anyone else...that i would make my mark upon a game or sport, but didn't know which. And while my name isn't in lights all over the place, the "breakout" did happen...but in ways closer to home.

I've come within inches of becoming a world champion...that was a feeling i will treasure for many years, sure i got robbed, but the game of poker is luck as much as skill, it just wasn't meant to be on that day...but my day will come i assure you. This year coming up has events that can define already made career's....imagine what they'd do to a blossoming one?

The thing is...this year those events were mere fantasy to me, i wanted to play them, but was destined never to reach past £100 buyins...there's a key reason for that...buyins for most of the year had to be met entirely out of my own pocket, very little was doable to get into the bigger reaches.

Two things have changed that.

1. I have a collection of friends who without which i wouldn't be where i am now, they put me into events that have made me capable of reaching new heights, bigger events, closer than ever before to becoming a fully fledged professional, and also (and this is actually a scoop for people who read it) my friends have made me play so much, so well, so big...that ive started to become noticed...

2. Next year money from my own pocket will not be an issue, savings funds, student loans, bursaries and (hopefully) winnings will be able to put me into events the likes of which are the stuff of dreams...past that it's anyone's guess.

Overall this year has been great, ive met some new and interesting people, created a social network i could have only dreamt of at the start of the year, have discovered which of the two main paths im to go down but still more than ready to switch over should the second route prove more lucrative. Formed my own team with hopes to make it the UK's best and biggest and so much more that its impossible to fit onto a single blog.

For next year, the dream is to get more backers, get more results, get more dreams accomplished and hopefully, just hopefully. complete the dream of a lifetime and win of the biggest events the world has ever seen, while supported by the friends and family i treasure the most...if that happens, expect to see the night skies lit by the party of a lifetime i plan to throw.

From Our Friends To You: Merry Christmas

Well, tis the season again...and while im aware we will all end up on computers tomorrow for one reason or another. I thought id take this opportunity, yet again. To wish you all a merry Christmas, a prosperous new year, and all's hoping a smashing start to 2012!

Realization

To write two of these blogs describing a single event is not something ive done before...but its something i feel i need to do, this is my avenue to express all the feelings i have, its my avenue to describe in some small way what im feeling at this given moment. I wont give a long doctored speech, what i type in this will be like those before it, pure emotions spilled into letters on a page.

Im nervous. I wish i could say that im the picture of serene grace, the picture of calm in a storm...but i just cant. This event is on a scale i have never imagined, anticipated yes, but never truly grasped until i woke up this afternoon...It concerns me not just of the scale, not just of the weight now on my shoulders...but also of its lasting implications.

I said yesterday i consider myself a true poker player now...that still holds true, but only now have i truly understood what it meant...im not the man who makes his money from £20 freeze-outs anymore. Im not the man who sits back waiting for his next big break to come worth little more than a weeks wages...things have changed.

The scale has changed. The needs have changed. The pressure has changed.

While i sit here with butterflies in my stomach, comprehending just what leap im about to make, be under no illusion that it does not affect the sheer force i will take into not only this tournament, but the years to come. Before i was just a local player, before i was just one of the also-ran's...destined to play in events no bigger than the size of my wallet, prizes no bigger than the size of a night out.

Those days are over.

I cant sit by anymore while i watch those around me scale new heights...sure my wallet cant hack the buy-ins i dream of, and hell my skill isn't up to world class level yet. But the passion is, has, and will always be. Bigger than any of those before me.

Butterflies in the stomach do not mean it affects the end result. When the clocks strikes tonight, i will be sat down in a sea of tens of thousands. We all have dreams, we all have hopes and wishes. We all probably know what we'd do with the money if we won....And its that last point that separates me from the pack. Shows me for what im worth...or more importantly, what i fight for.

The money i win tonight will be split between those that have put their faith in me. Those that have put there support in me. This is what separates me from the rest. No buy-in is out of reach, no mountain too hard to scale. I consider every person stood beside me tonight as an extra life, to use one of pokers most famous sayings...i have 16 "One Time"'s at my disposal...Hold on, because i may need them yet.

We stand together for this one, of that i am sure, but its implication reaches far past this event. Its shown me i have supporters in the most unlikely of places, in the most amazing number of people. Next year i set myself the task of exploding on the scene with a serious bang...with these by my side, anything. And i mean anything. Is possible

Realization. Its a word i toss around quite alot, but every time with meaning. Tonight is the start of something more...the start of a realization that this is no longer a hobby...this is no longer just a mere fantasy, a dream in the vivid mind of a 20 year old from Nottingham...no, this is more.

This is the life i am now sculpting. With my friends, family, supporters and backers alike beside me...we cant lose.

We wont lose.

The Prelude

Its been months since ive sat down and accurately written out my emotions, hopes, dreams...three months since ive been able to sit down and let everything pour out. Its given me time to sit back, take stock, realise the things in life that matter...

But also, its allowed me to pursue a passion to such an extent which ive never been able to before. Supporters have numbered far more than ever before...results have started coming in on a scale unlike anything before...while i may have won less this year (so far) than i did last year...the wins have meant more, come from bigger, been achieved through tougher...

I am a poker player, before i wasn't so sure, i wondered if it was all an illusion. Just a hope that would ultimately prove a step too far. But now it feels real, ive had people putting there support into me through more than just words. Ive been within inches of true greatness. Ive taken part in events that until recently were nothing but mere fantasy. And from friends to family alike, i have them to thank for that.

Tomorrow marks a step into the world i aim to join. Recent weeks have been the biggest ive ever faced, and while ive not actually won, ive come alot further than was possible before, than i thought was possible now...but will be easily possible in the future. I walk into this feeling unlike before, feeling the world is behind me, support from places i didn't think were possible before. Its no small achievement to be where i am now, my career isn't even two full years in the making, yet my aims for the future are the stuff of true professionals. the aims reflect where i think 2012 will stand. and tomorrow is the start of that journey.

I seriously believe it this time. before was hope mixed, tainted almost, with the idea of what might happen should i not succeed. But for the last few weeks ive only thought of that once, and unlike before that was quelled by one of the new supporters, every other time has been the image of me collapsing on the desk as the computer reads the millions now in my bank. the career etched off the back of five small cards......the career created by the 16 people who stood by me on that fateful first step up the staircase of champions...at the top rests my dreams, ambitions, lifetime's goals. Tomorrow i stand there at the bottom...its only seven steps, surely it cant be that hard surely?

Its The Prelude to a great future. tomorrow starts the journey of a lifetime, regardless of the result it will be an experience ive yet to enjoy...and for once, with the people beside me, backers, friends and family alike...i seriously feel like they're lifting me onto the first step.

From there....its all up to me.

On Thee Our Hopes We Fix

Six words...that's all it is, it's old English...sounds boring, to some probably half pointless...it could be expressed more easily, it could probably sound better as well...but those words belong to something rather special to me...and tonight, while i understood it anyway, ive come to realise how much its meaning matters to me, and how much bearing it has on everything i do going forward...

Let me take you on a small journey of a person i once knew...he was a simple kid, with simple ambitions...did well at school, didn't exactly have many friends but made do with what he could...he was young and talented yet boisterous and sometimes controversial.

But one thing i know was certain, he was ambitious if nothing else...he took beatings in almost every sense possible, but always got back up regardless, his aims were high, yet clear, crazy, yet realistic...but as the years went on his passion started to fade, various factors in various sports and past-times just got in the way, from swimming to golf, racing to badminton with some archery in-between, he went through every avenue and sport type he could only to be stopped dead...not that he didn't try, he wasn't able to go any further. So dwindled into nothing more than a place-filler in society... albeit a very loud and excitable one.

But one day, not that very long ago, i saw him take center stage for the first time in his life...and it was in something where he had complete control, nobody and nothing could interfere except for luck...he seemed on top of the world, and while the result didn't turn out to be perfect, looking back i can see his smile, it looked fake at the time but i realise now it wasn't, he was proud of what he'd achieved, and set out to do so much more...the amount of support he carried that day was unlike anything before...he realized what he was fighting for, and it was for more than just himself...and from what i see now it changed him...he was symbolizing something on that day as well, but only because of honor, not out of commitment...that's changed now.

Anyone guessed his name?

Peter Thorpe

Yeah, tonight i was able to look back properly, at a moment in time full of forward movements, full of triumphs and exciting times...and notice that one night in my life changed me and my perception on everything i do...i sat down and fought as nothing more than a patriot, a fan of the game, for backers, supporters and myself...but now looking back, as the night went on i realized that things, from one minute to the next. Changed.

I went from fighting for myself to caring about everything else instead

I went from wanting to do well for friends and supporters to throwing everything at trying for them

I went from a simple patriot to fighting tooth and nail to get my country's flag at the top...

I went from simply wearing a national symbol to feeling it physically attached to me...

And i love how it changed to that...

I spent years trying, im a born fighter even if it doesn't always look it from the defeatist front i show, usually that's just me wanting space while i contemplate how i plan to bounce back. But everytime i showed promise, something always got in my way...from instructors getting fired, to a lack of instructors commitment to help, to groups disbanding and money just not being there...now with things in my hands theres no limit to what i can achieve save lady luck stepping in...

Ive spent years moulding myself into the person you see today, sometime a year could change me, sometimes even a month...but on that night, one simple experience changed me more than years before could manage. It made me a winner...

Tonight, typing this, alot is still changing. Im at the beginning of something I set out to do two years ago, ive set the ball rolling of something i wanted to do almost fifteen years ago, ive laid the foundations of someone i wanted to be with over a year ago...while in the past certian events have tried to derail me, and some still could...tonight i feel like ive achieved something...

But one thing eludes me...and tonight i will show you what that is, usually i keep my rituals a closely guarded secret, nobody knew the waistcoat was in my bag when i made that final table...and nobody knew until today what id be learning, what, when i won, would have seen my heart pour out

This

Wait for it...one day soon i swear on everything i live by, i will be standing proud, with those words ringing out, tears down my eyes, representing everything and everyone i love so dearly...

You have my word

APAT World Champs: Series Review

Well, that's the end of that. My first ever live series of poker and what a way to kick things off. I say that, but in terms of lasting impressions...they are severely lacking.

A series that promised so much eventually delivered a morsel of joy in a sea of disappointment, and that morsel was thrown at me rather early. To put this in to contrast below is the list of my finishing places in the weekends five events

Stud Championship: 2nd Place
Heads Up Championship: Tied 9th Place
HORSE Championship: 38th Place
Hold'em Championship, Main Event: 169th Place (Day 1b)
Omaha Championship: 112th Place

It started so well as well, i was over a 3-1 chiplead heads up in the stud, he was all in and behind, only two outs to his straight, i damn as well nearly had both hands on that title, but alas he hits not only the river king to survive, but also river two pair's to knock me out hands later...it stung and its a wound i dont think will heal for some time...he was a worthy winner make no mistake about that, but to come so close, to literally be stood up about to shake his hand, and to be slammed back into my seat by a sickening cooler like that, it will live with me for some time...

I also made a personal achievement of mine, my first ever interview (Found Here), i was nothing more than a bag of nerves but i answered honestly and professionally and i hope it to be the first of many...but it turned out to be bitter sweet....while i was a "potential rising star of the series"...it frittered away into nothing more...

It hurts, to come off the back of a 2nd place in my first ever series event, limit event, live stud event...you name it and it was my first of it...hell i was the youngest at that final table i reckon by a clear five years! only then to get one match off cashing in the heads up and nothing else...it leaves a taint on what promised to be such a great series.

All i wanted was exposure, im not going to lie here the money meant literally nothing to me...my only wish was to get returns for my backers (which i still have to thank for giving me the chance to do what i have) and for me to gain a place in the spotlight, no matter how little it lasted...i failed in both, sure five backers were pretty happy with their returns but the rest got let down and for that i am forever in your debt, as for the exposure, well the interview is nice but it doesnt grant me what i truly aimed for...to have had my picture on poker news outlets would have been the ultimate dream...i didnt even come close. I understand the dream is unrealistic, but you'll come to understand i never want anything "conventional".

Now i want to make clear now i enjoyed every moment of the experience, i have fond memories that will take me forward in this game, but looking back i realize that not only was i good, but that for the most part two things have become very apparent...and while ill get cynics for this i feel its the truth

1. if not for bad luck id have at least one win this year, and gone alot deeper in at least the main event if not more
2. its made me realize how fiercely competitive i am, one 2nd place would make anyone else happy...especially if it was their first ever major series, but not me, i wanted more. and i still do

From this series i will move forward, taking the game even more seriously than i do now, knowing that consistent results are the only way forward, along with a little dabble of good luck...there is no limit to what i can achieve.

Editors Note: After writing this ive been reading pokernews and realised that, even by only name, the winners of each side event got a mention...this has greatly upset me, that was my dream and lady luck denied it me...while i totally understand that luck is a factor in poker...this has made me even more determined to rise to the top of the game...as such i have reevaluated my plan for the next few months, while i was going to take a break after the series i will now be focusing on any major event that arises in the coming weeks

A Midnight Dreamer, A Symbol In The Distance

That's all it boils down to really...nothing more simple than that

Tonight, while I wish I was asleep, resting my weary mind and preparing for the biggest week of my short career. I sit here writing my feelings out yet again, and yet again, on an august month, worry takes over...this month doesn't like me it seems!

Many days, I sit here and think, ponder, worry, but occasionally I dream, dream of a better life, dream of a better world for me and those I cherish the most...I dream of realising ambitions, of conquering mountains, of having the world on my shoulders and still coming out on top...tonight though, it's far bigger than that. And for once, everyone else knows it too.

The next five days are unlike anything else for me, to some this will be a week of results, of which I wish you all the best, to some it will just be a normal week...nothing will have changed, you might not even know why it's of relivance...to a select few hundred however, they will be decending on my home territory, competing for the biggest titles an amateur can hope to win.

Now to some it will just be a bit of a laugh, to some a weekend out in a new city...to a select few it will be events to fufill sponsors commitments, some will be laisse faire, some locked and focused...

But let me tell you this, none of you. And I mean none of you, go into this week like me.

I go into this series on my breakout year, my first ever major events will unfold in mere hours, and nobody will come close to the unrestrained passion I am about to unleash...nobody

I go into this off the back of my biggest preparation to date, some play on spontaneous impulse. Some have days to think...but nobody had the dream for a year like me, or the two months of setting myself up. Nobody

I go into this with one of the strongest backing groups around, im here for them, my passion is for them, my commitment for them...some want profits, some want the experience, most want both...and nobody has a group that, when it matters, will stand beside me as that last card is turned and I go from a finger on the trophy to a full grasp. Nobody

This is my series, this is my moment to shine, this is my time to prove to the world yet again that when I sit down to achieve, nothing, nobody. Gets in my way...be under no illusion the fire in my heart tonight, I plan to go all guns blazing this week, and when the dust settles, only I will be standing...

Dusk till Dawn is my local hunting ground, your coming into my territory, my palace...it's the best in Europe for a reason, it's got some of the best players for a reason, and when this week is out, one more name will be considered in it's ranks, I swear by it.

I'll go into these events with passion, determination, talent, stubbornness and skill...but also with a package...a simple one at that. Only a select few know what it is...but let it be known when the time calls for it, it will grace the cardroom, on my shoulders it will prove something, it will show a reason I am there, something that throughout my life I have fought for, I'll look stupid, people will question it. I don't care, it symbolises a big part of my life...and will make a statement unlike anything else.

If this made no sense I appologise, but let me be consice...a few lines showing this 19 year old for everything he is

Passion. Determination. Nationalistic. Untapped Talent. Fierce. Prepared. Tough. Powerful.
A Dreamer.

Confessions Of A Rising Star

This isn't going to be one of the usual blogs you see on here, for once im just going to speak directly, im not going to paraphrase anything, im just going to say what goes through my head, and put it down...given the impending week, i feel its the best way to be.

Im worried, i know im a good poker player, my results have shown that time and time again...i know ive put practice in recently in a time where finding money was hard, if not nearly impossible. But im a believer that no amount of practice will truly be enough in this game. its all about the day itself...and that's what concerns me.

Skill wise im one of the best in that room and i know it myself, but variance gets in the way of everything, six times ive bust in the last few weeks ive got the money in ahead, only for lady luck to stab me in the back...yeah sure ive had some good times along the way, but for the most part the key moments have been riddled with misfortune...hell, on my final table back in April i was hit with a one outer, had that not happened i could easily have won the whole thing...

If this world series is to prove as fruitful as i know it can be the luck has to turn around...im a massive advocate for luck going in cycles...you get as much good as you do bad...i bloody hope so anyway because by that logic im in for a seriously good few days...

Thing is, its not for me alone this time, ive got a backing group of 11 friends putting me into these events, and i don't want to let them down... they've put some serious faith, not to mention alot of money, into me here...and at no point do i actually come back on Monday and have nothing to show for it...alot of them have said that they understand the risks involved but it would still hurt me to be giving nothing back to those that have invested in me...

The only comfort i can take is that with such investments it goes some way to prove that other people consider my abilities good enough...and i take that to heart...at no point when i was selling these shares did i push the idea, at no point did i ask people to invest...and that was planned, i didn't want to force my events into peoples faces and almost pester them to invest, i wanted to showcase what was on offer and leave the choice to other people...and it worked, while ive bought some shares myself yes, of the 50 that were up for grabs, 36 of them went to other people...and there's one key thing people have to realize with the other 14

They aren't just for me. If you look on the share sheet its got my dad's name alongside mine, ive bought these with the intention of doing this half for myself and half for my parents...win a side event, im taking them out, win the main...im taking them abroad. that was my plan from the start, so being the majority stakeholder is on purpose, it made sure i was able to give not only to my friends, but to the very people who put me where i am today...in the past they didn't approve of what i do, and i don't actually think they still do...but they seem to be behind me, and either way, its as much for them as it is for me...

The money helps in that i can pay friends a bunch, i can enter bigger events, i can give back to my family...but from a personal perspective the money means nothing...im not a man of material possessions, even though i adore having nothing but the best. In things like this the accolades are what matter to me the most, people will mention that ive won £10,000...let them, but the people that call me an amateur world champion, that's what i want to hear the most...the money is a byproduct of my personal goal...if the buy-ins for the majors were all free id give every penny away to the people i know and love...and that's a fact

Its been a long time coming, months of planning, hours of practice, days of intense thinking, all boiling down to these last three days...on Wednesday i intend to dissapear from the world...perhaps ill write one last blog on the evening, it might calm my nerves...im not normally worried about anything like this, hell ive played bigger buy-ins and bigger fields in the past...but none of them carried so much on my shoulders.

These are the confessions of a rising star, destined one day to stand at the pinnacle of the very sport he picked up in a bar in Nottingham fifteen years ago...lets all just hope and pray the skill holds true, and the luck stays honest...if that happens, anything is possible

Conflicting Emotions, Overridden By Desire

Complication, Vindication, Justification, Preperation, Anticipation.

Five of the most powerful adjectives a young man can use, five words to describe the past year, five words giving nothing close to a true account of the way things have felt, been, seen.

To go back to august 2010 would basically be going to a whole different person. I was sitting here worried about my A level results...although the feeling of failure was all to real. I had the job of my dreams, only to find it was totally different underneath the image it had presented...I was feeling depressed about just about everything. It seemed I could do no right. I was bigger then, looking in a mirror was a chore, nothing more.

Oh, how a year changes everything

The year itself has shown what this young lad from Nottingham is truly made of, it tested willpower, determination, it tested resolve of the spirit almost daily, all along the way I felt like I grew up so quickly, sometimes too quickly...I rushed through things I've later grown to regret, I've been to slow in things I've later grown to regret. This whole life game isn't ever easy is it?

But in the end, those five words hold no truer meaning than they do now, those same five words would have been brushed aside as mere fantasy all but a year ago. Now they stand at the forefront of my mind, an achievement still being written.

Complication, throughout the year things have got in the way of my ambitions, things came up set to ruin me at times, cause mere nuisances in others...but let me tell you this, each one was met with panic and resolve in equal measure, times of desperation and worry met with a mind working at it's peak, as far as we know, all have been met...only time will tell if that is truly the case.

Vindication, all of the hard work, all of the months of excitement and pain, the days of elation, to the nights of despair, I went through them all, and came out on top...today I signed the release form for derby, today I stepped into the hole I called a university for the last time, today was a true realisation I had achieved all I had set out to do. Never has that happened before, never before had I put so much effort into anything in my life...and while the journey continues, I realise that with my steely resolve, anything is possible.

Justification, for all the tens of thousands spent on my life to date, from all the years of lessons, life and education alike. From the times of comfort and scolding from friends and family alike...today, tonight, right now as I type this, as I speak it out loud in my mind. I have justified not only my determination, but also all of your faith in me.

Preperation, the times ahead will not be easy, life will throw up challenges that require the very best minds to defeat...a year ago I would have curled up in a ball to avoid them, not anymore...with my mindset now it is only a matter of careful planning and consideration that will see even the tallest of mountains fall. I will give everything my upmost dedication, of that you have my word.

Anticipation, while the last year has been intense, the next one proves to be even greater. Even in the next month alone I will confront some of my biggest challenges to date. A game I'm only in my infancy, taking on the best the country has to offer...a game where I consider myself a veteran, taking on the might of the world, albeit on an amateur level. Then in the remainder, a new challenge in a foreign place, all too close to home...

But let me tell you this, from the magic GB nationals, I will throw my best at it, the willpower will be more than any in that room will be able to conjoure, Sheffield will understand true mental might...from the amateur world series, to the people that have backed and staked me in it, you have my passion and soul on the line, nobody will walk into that building with more force than me, with more determination than me, with more untapped talent than me...with more than me. You have eveything from me of that I promise instantly....and to my future at Trent, you have my heart, my academic mind, my unwavering commitment, and most of all my passion...I spent my last two years of being trying to be in your doors, considered amongst your ranks, I will not let this opportunity go to squander, I did before, but never again...

Conflicting emotions, only overridden by the desire to win, to fight, to challenge the world and come out on top no matter the route or discipline required...all this from an overweight depressed defeated man only last august

...wow, amazing what a year can do isn't it...

Give Your Fantasy A Chance

Take the future, in your hand. Living in a future land. Give your fantasy a chance...

Yet again, I'm writing to express what this body and soul cannot, I've never been good with words in person, but give me a blog like this, give me an avenue like this, and I can just let loose, let the passion flow, the determination show for the world to see. It even sounds daft as I'm writing this, but I know these words are accurate no matter how insane they may be.

First off I've got to thank a fair few people in my life, in recent weeks I've felt blessed. My version of the world series is rapidly approaching, I dealt for it last year, ill play for it this year. It's been a dream since the day I stepped foot into it. The scale was unprecedented for someone of my stature, it was immense beyond all comprehension. I was dealing to Brits, Americans, Australians, Europeans, Africans, Asians. Almost every nation you can imagine was under the roof for that glorious weekend, and even as I sat there dealing people's fate, I knew i would be amongst their ranks in no time. Amazing how fast a year goes.

The people to thank are my friends, my family. You had faith in me during times of doubt, when the series was announced I was off the back of a hard few weeks, I debated not playing at one point. But when I sat there, I realised the chance of a lifetime was within my grasp and I was going to turn it away. I've done that before, I've done that recently in things not even related to poker. And realised something...

Life gives opportunities for a reason, it shows routes to success for a reason. Never turn it down, you only live to regret it in the end.

Id done that recently, I'd been bought to tears through missed opportunities, and at that moment I realised there was no holding back, I was playing this series if my last breaths came as a result of it...no more missed chances, I'd been given them for a reason and now was the time to grasp them, lord knows I'd had nearly 20 years missing them, I'd learnt not to do that again...

But something cropped up, the buyins...I could easily afford all of them with money to spare, but I've always wanted a chance to let my friends and family explore my world, to understand the trials and tribulations that go with an amatuer career with millions of dollars at the top, anguish at the bottom. But at no point did I ever in my dreams expect to see the reaction I did. People were supporting me en-masse, fifty shares were up for grabs and 44 of them have gone as I write this, all vanished and supported in less than a week. It was immense. It made me smile.

To realise people back me on such a scale is unimaginable, and I owe them alot for it, it made me realise I was as good now as I was before, it lit a determination I haven't ever experienced, I have never been brought down completely by anything. Even if I've come close. I go into this series with a fire in my heart unlike anything before, I'm not just in this for myself anymore, this is for me, my friends, my family, this is for everyone close that over the years have shown me support during the dark times, been there in the good times. This is all for you.

And if I'm honest, that's all I've ever wanted.

My fantasy has always to become a world champion. but everytime I've pictured it, it's never been alone, I've always turned to a boisterous, screaming support group, I've turned to my friends to celebrate with them. Now, finally, I get the chance.

I will do you all proud. You have my word.