The Dreams Almost Realised

This Sunday will hold some special memories for me, but for so many conflicting reasons...a dream achieved, an ambition realised, a quest almost fulfilled, a heart torn apart, a choice that was mind altering, a return to the good old days...man, it's never simple is it?

This weekend spelled a return I had been waiting for for so long, for six months I was cut from the picture, left to rot in the wilderness by people with no decent reason other than to just be harsh...it feels good to be back on the pedestal I once stood on, only this time in a better position than ever before...

People know me to be heavily trying to get back to my best, I've played 10 events in half as many weeks...each time showing a glimpse of (shockingly) more skill than ever before...for a level, or an hour, or a break at a time I've shown flashes of skill that would put me in good stead on any level...but consistency was the key, something that has been the thorn in my back for nearly 18 months, let alone the last 5 weeks...

But this day was different, I walked in and said that to be better I must focus more, take my time more...boring yet effective, dull yet skilful all the same...every deepstack id played previous had always gone better than the last...I may struggle to top this record, for quite a while

A dream achieved: my mission from the outset was to top 50 my first ever deepstack, I have always been a man of statistics and this was a big thing for me...as the places ticked down I got nervous, but something inside me said to just stay calm, the way I was playing was enough...yet again instinct proved to be the better part of valour...as the number reached 49...I actually fistpumped the air, it got confused looks, but to me, it was all I cared for

An ambition realised: every mans dream is to make a deepstack events final table, some wait months, years...some spend entire careers waiting for that elusive chance at the bigger time, me? Less than 40 events and the monkey is already gone, but it was never easy, 10 handed for over an hour felt like an eternity. The anguish of knowing to bust now would tear me apart, but to last just one more would realise something special to me, while I will have more in the years to come you always remember your first...and I will forever remember this

A quest almost fulfilled, a heart torn apart: the one thing in my book is to win one, regardless of my current skill level the dream is there to seize, and it looked shaky from the start...but as each player got knocked out, the money went up, and my ferocity increased...until that fateful moment, some say I was crazy for what I did, hindsight says I was...but regardless, I stand by it...A9 v 99...if he loses, were down to 6 and my stack is nearly at the chip leader...a thousand pounds is moments away...but alas, what the ace on the flop gives, the last 9 in the deck on the turn takes away...that ripped me apart inside but I didn't show it, I paid him off and carried on...down but never out...alas moments later luck dealt that cruelest of blows, QQ v AK...ace on the flop, what can I do? It wasn't meant to be...7th for £350 is good in anyone's eyes, but knowing that it was so close to being life altering just hurts

A choice that was mind altering: make no mistake the route to that final will never be forgotten largely because of one move...a move that has made me change my perspective on the game for years to come...facing off against the best player in the room is nice but scary all the same, so to have been beating him soundly felt nice...however one hand he pushed me to the test, and a read from before decided my fate...I'll never know if I was right, neither will he...but that one moment was different, I'd made a read. And gone with it, never before had I made a judgement call that important and stuck with it...top pair wasn't enough I was sure of it...I folded there having either saved my life or let the best player survive another day...whatever the outcome. I stand by it.

Whatever comes of Sunday I will never know, but it's reach is far, and it's implications very loud...that was a day I made a final table and didn't feel lucky, didn't feel destined to be there, I felt logically there, my choices got me there more than outside influences. And that was the greatest feeling of them all...I deserved to be there, I deserve to be at more...the dreams almost realised, it's just time to reach out and grab it