Give Your Fantasy A Chance

Take the future, in your hand. Living in a future land. Give your fantasy a chance...

Yet again, I'm writing to express what this body and soul cannot, I've never been good with words in person, but give me a blog like this, give me an avenue like this, and I can just let loose, let the passion flow, the determination show for the world to see. It even sounds daft as I'm writing this, but I know these words are accurate no matter how insane they may be.

First off I've got to thank a fair few people in my life, in recent weeks I've felt blessed. My version of the world series is rapidly approaching, I dealt for it last year, ill play for it this year. It's been a dream since the day I stepped foot into it. The scale was unprecedented for someone of my stature, it was immense beyond all comprehension. I was dealing to Brits, Americans, Australians, Europeans, Africans, Asians. Almost every nation you can imagine was under the roof for that glorious weekend, and even as I sat there dealing people's fate, I knew i would be amongst their ranks in no time. Amazing how fast a year goes.

The people to thank are my friends, my family. You had faith in me during times of doubt, when the series was announced I was off the back of a hard few weeks, I debated not playing at one point. But when I sat there, I realised the chance of a lifetime was within my grasp and I was going to turn it away. I've done that before, I've done that recently in things not even related to poker. And realised something...

Life gives opportunities for a reason, it shows routes to success for a reason. Never turn it down, you only live to regret it in the end.

Id done that recently, I'd been bought to tears through missed opportunities, and at that moment I realised there was no holding back, I was playing this series if my last breaths came as a result of it...no more missed chances, I'd been given them for a reason and now was the time to grasp them, lord knows I'd had nearly 20 years missing them, I'd learnt not to do that again...

But something cropped up, the buyins...I could easily afford all of them with money to spare, but I've always wanted a chance to let my friends and family explore my world, to understand the trials and tribulations that go with an amatuer career with millions of dollars at the top, anguish at the bottom. But at no point did I ever in my dreams expect to see the reaction I did. People were supporting me en-masse, fifty shares were up for grabs and 44 of them have gone as I write this, all vanished and supported in less than a week. It was immense. It made me smile.

To realise people back me on such a scale is unimaginable, and I owe them alot for it, it made me realise I was as good now as I was before, it lit a determination I haven't ever experienced, I have never been brought down completely by anything. Even if I've come close. I go into this series with a fire in my heart unlike anything before, I'm not just in this for myself anymore, this is for me, my friends, my family, this is for everyone close that over the years have shown me support during the dark times, been there in the good times. This is all for you.

And if I'm honest, that's all I've ever wanted.

My fantasy has always to become a world champion. but everytime I've pictured it, it's never been alone, I've always turned to a boisterous, screaming support group, I've turned to my friends to celebrate with them. Now, finally, I get the chance.

I will do you all proud. You have my word.

Yeah, That Needs Sorting, I Need Sorting

Pondering an Ascension, a Gambit of sorts, Cast Through Time on Restless Dreams, a Volt Charge to one day feel Liberated, Fuel For The Cause? im not sure...but its a Destructive Force that's for sure.

Amazing how looking at a simple hobby can influence the mind on days it needs to be fired up from a downswing...

Not having the parents here is actually a blessing in disguise, something i could have done with years ago, being able to sit there, and do nothing more than think, wonder, work out the problems and the pleasures of life...at least now i know I've worked somethings out

Last night i had the party i had spent years hoping for...it was meant to be a celebration of joys yet to be touched, a victory night of sorts, a time to sit down and go "you've earned this"...well that's what should have happened. For some reason i ended up sickeningly depressed, and its took until now for me to sit down and work out why such a night turned into disaster within moments.

Problem is, i still cant work out why.

I've sat down, looked back on the night, and at no point does it explain why i went from the hyper, happy giddy person id become over the last few weeks, into the person id spent so much time and effort getting away from. It was all to evident to see as well, people were actually talking as friends, instead of merely putting up with me like they used to, like they probably do now. I felt as if for once, id been acting like a normal person, enjoying life for the points it made me smile for, ignoring the downsides of life (it must be said recently nothing has gone wrong like it used to).

Except last night, for whatever reason, turned me into the gibbering "hate everything because nothing works" idiot i used to be...and im not happy about it, i had friends surrounding me, places to ourselves, drinks aplenty. and none of it looks like it was enough

Peter. Grow the fuck up.

Working things out today has made me realize myself that i need to keep doing what i was, and get a grip on a life that until recently was going nowhere slowly. im sorry to everyone for the way i acted last night, even if it was partly my night, you came out to enjoy it, to celebrate. and i threw it back at you. and for that im sorry. Today's made me realize it cant happen again, things were getting too good for it to happen again. i remember days when people were apprehensive of me being around, and i do NOT want to go back to them days again...

i may not have the money for quite a while, but i promise to you all, i swear by it. that the next event we get will make saturday look like it was nothing more than a quiet social, and ill make sure this time that your thanked for what was a fantastic night out. it was, i know that in myself. i just wish for once i could think that on the night itself instead of needing a cold reality check...