APAT World Champs: Series Review

Well, that's the end of that. My first ever live series of poker and what a way to kick things off. I say that, but in terms of lasting impressions...they are severely lacking.

A series that promised so much eventually delivered a morsel of joy in a sea of disappointment, and that morsel was thrown at me rather early. To put this in to contrast below is the list of my finishing places in the weekends five events

Stud Championship: 2nd Place
Heads Up Championship: Tied 9th Place
HORSE Championship: 38th Place
Hold'em Championship, Main Event: 169th Place (Day 1b)
Omaha Championship: 112th Place

It started so well as well, i was over a 3-1 chiplead heads up in the stud, he was all in and behind, only two outs to his straight, i damn as well nearly had both hands on that title, but alas he hits not only the river king to survive, but also river two pair's to knock me out hands later...it stung and its a wound i dont think will heal for some time...he was a worthy winner make no mistake about that, but to come so close, to literally be stood up about to shake his hand, and to be slammed back into my seat by a sickening cooler like that, it will live with me for some time...

I also made a personal achievement of mine, my first ever interview (Found Here), i was nothing more than a bag of nerves but i answered honestly and professionally and i hope it to be the first of many...but it turned out to be bitter sweet....while i was a "potential rising star of the series"...it frittered away into nothing more...

It hurts, to come off the back of a 2nd place in my first ever series event, limit event, live stud event...you name it and it was my first of it...hell i was the youngest at that final table i reckon by a clear five years! only then to get one match off cashing in the heads up and nothing else...it leaves a taint on what promised to be such a great series.

All i wanted was exposure, im not going to lie here the money meant literally nothing to me...my only wish was to get returns for my backers (which i still have to thank for giving me the chance to do what i have) and for me to gain a place in the spotlight, no matter how little it lasted...i failed in both, sure five backers were pretty happy with their returns but the rest got let down and for that i am forever in your debt, as for the exposure, well the interview is nice but it doesnt grant me what i truly aimed for...to have had my picture on poker news outlets would have been the ultimate dream...i didnt even come close. I understand the dream is unrealistic, but you'll come to understand i never want anything "conventional".

Now i want to make clear now i enjoyed every moment of the experience, i have fond memories that will take me forward in this game, but looking back i realize that not only was i good, but that for the most part two things have become very apparent...and while ill get cynics for this i feel its the truth

1. if not for bad luck id have at least one win this year, and gone alot deeper in at least the main event if not more
2. its made me realize how fiercely competitive i am, one 2nd place would make anyone else happy...especially if it was their first ever major series, but not me, i wanted more. and i still do

From this series i will move forward, taking the game even more seriously than i do now, knowing that consistent results are the only way forward, along with a little dabble of good luck...there is no limit to what i can achieve.

Editors Note: After writing this ive been reading pokernews and realised that, even by only name, the winners of each side event got a mention...this has greatly upset me, that was my dream and lady luck denied it me...while i totally understand that luck is a factor in poker...this has made me even more determined to rise to the top of the game...as such i have reevaluated my plan for the next few months, while i was going to take a break after the series i will now be focusing on any major event that arises in the coming weeks

A Midnight Dreamer, A Symbol In The Distance

That's all it boils down to really...nothing more simple than that

Tonight, while I wish I was asleep, resting my weary mind and preparing for the biggest week of my short career. I sit here writing my feelings out yet again, and yet again, on an august month, worry takes over...this month doesn't like me it seems!

Many days, I sit here and think, ponder, worry, but occasionally I dream, dream of a better life, dream of a better world for me and those I cherish the most...I dream of realising ambitions, of conquering mountains, of having the world on my shoulders and still coming out on top...tonight though, it's far bigger than that. And for once, everyone else knows it too.

The next five days are unlike anything else for me, to some this will be a week of results, of which I wish you all the best, to some it will just be a normal week...nothing will have changed, you might not even know why it's of relivance...to a select few hundred however, they will be decending on my home territory, competing for the biggest titles an amateur can hope to win.

Now to some it will just be a bit of a laugh, to some a weekend out in a new city...to a select few it will be events to fufill sponsors commitments, some will be laisse faire, some locked and focused...

But let me tell you this, none of you. And I mean none of you, go into this week like me.

I go into this series on my breakout year, my first ever major events will unfold in mere hours, and nobody will come close to the unrestrained passion I am about to unleash...nobody

I go into this off the back of my biggest preparation to date, some play on spontaneous impulse. Some have days to think...but nobody had the dream for a year like me, or the two months of setting myself up. Nobody

I go into this with one of the strongest backing groups around, im here for them, my passion is for them, my commitment for them...some want profits, some want the experience, most want both...and nobody has a group that, when it matters, will stand beside me as that last card is turned and I go from a finger on the trophy to a full grasp. Nobody

This is my series, this is my moment to shine, this is my time to prove to the world yet again that when I sit down to achieve, nothing, nobody. Gets in my way...be under no illusion the fire in my heart tonight, I plan to go all guns blazing this week, and when the dust settles, only I will be standing...

Dusk till Dawn is my local hunting ground, your coming into my territory, my palace...it's the best in Europe for a reason, it's got some of the best players for a reason, and when this week is out, one more name will be considered in it's ranks, I swear by it.

I'll go into these events with passion, determination, talent, stubbornness and skill...but also with a package...a simple one at that. Only a select few know what it is...but let it be known when the time calls for it, it will grace the cardroom, on my shoulders it will prove something, it will show a reason I am there, something that throughout my life I have fought for, I'll look stupid, people will question it. I don't care, it symbolises a big part of my life...and will make a statement unlike anything else.

If this made no sense I appologise, but let me be consice...a few lines showing this 19 year old for everything he is

Passion. Determination. Nationalistic. Untapped Talent. Fierce. Prepared. Tough. Powerful.
A Dreamer.

Confessions Of A Rising Star

This isn't going to be one of the usual blogs you see on here, for once im just going to speak directly, im not going to paraphrase anything, im just going to say what goes through my head, and put it down...given the impending week, i feel its the best way to be.

Im worried, i know im a good poker player, my results have shown that time and time again...i know ive put practice in recently in a time where finding money was hard, if not nearly impossible. But im a believer that no amount of practice will truly be enough in this game. its all about the day itself...and that's what concerns me.

Skill wise im one of the best in that room and i know it myself, but variance gets in the way of everything, six times ive bust in the last few weeks ive got the money in ahead, only for lady luck to stab me in the back...yeah sure ive had some good times along the way, but for the most part the key moments have been riddled with misfortune...hell, on my final table back in April i was hit with a one outer, had that not happened i could easily have won the whole thing...

If this world series is to prove as fruitful as i know it can be the luck has to turn around...im a massive advocate for luck going in cycles...you get as much good as you do bad...i bloody hope so anyway because by that logic im in for a seriously good few days...

Thing is, its not for me alone this time, ive got a backing group of 11 friends putting me into these events, and i don't want to let them down... they've put some serious faith, not to mention alot of money, into me here...and at no point do i actually come back on Monday and have nothing to show for it...alot of them have said that they understand the risks involved but it would still hurt me to be giving nothing back to those that have invested in me...

The only comfort i can take is that with such investments it goes some way to prove that other people consider my abilities good enough...and i take that to heart...at no point when i was selling these shares did i push the idea, at no point did i ask people to invest...and that was planned, i didn't want to force my events into peoples faces and almost pester them to invest, i wanted to showcase what was on offer and leave the choice to other people...and it worked, while ive bought some shares myself yes, of the 50 that were up for grabs, 36 of them went to other people...and there's one key thing people have to realize with the other 14

They aren't just for me. If you look on the share sheet its got my dad's name alongside mine, ive bought these with the intention of doing this half for myself and half for my parents...win a side event, im taking them out, win the main...im taking them abroad. that was my plan from the start, so being the majority stakeholder is on purpose, it made sure i was able to give not only to my friends, but to the very people who put me where i am today...in the past they didn't approve of what i do, and i don't actually think they still do...but they seem to be behind me, and either way, its as much for them as it is for me...

The money helps in that i can pay friends a bunch, i can enter bigger events, i can give back to my family...but from a personal perspective the money means nothing...im not a man of material possessions, even though i adore having nothing but the best. In things like this the accolades are what matter to me the most, people will mention that ive won £10,000...let them, but the people that call me an amateur world champion, that's what i want to hear the most...the money is a byproduct of my personal goal...if the buy-ins for the majors were all free id give every penny away to the people i know and love...and that's a fact

Its been a long time coming, months of planning, hours of practice, days of intense thinking, all boiling down to these last three days...on Wednesday i intend to dissapear from the world...perhaps ill write one last blog on the evening, it might calm my nerves...im not normally worried about anything like this, hell ive played bigger buy-ins and bigger fields in the past...but none of them carried so much on my shoulders.

These are the confessions of a rising star, destined one day to stand at the pinnacle of the very sport he picked up in a bar in Nottingham fifteen years ago...lets all just hope and pray the skill holds true, and the luck stays honest...if that happens, anything is possible

Conflicting Emotions, Overridden By Desire

Complication, Vindication, Justification, Preperation, Anticipation.

Five of the most powerful adjectives a young man can use, five words to describe the past year, five words giving nothing close to a true account of the way things have felt, been, seen.

To go back to august 2010 would basically be going to a whole different person. I was sitting here worried about my A level results...although the feeling of failure was all to real. I had the job of my dreams, only to find it was totally different underneath the image it had presented...I was feeling depressed about just about everything. It seemed I could do no right. I was bigger then, looking in a mirror was a chore, nothing more.

Oh, how a year changes everything

The year itself has shown what this young lad from Nottingham is truly made of, it tested willpower, determination, it tested resolve of the spirit almost daily, all along the way I felt like I grew up so quickly, sometimes too quickly...I rushed through things I've later grown to regret, I've been to slow in things I've later grown to regret. This whole life game isn't ever easy is it?

But in the end, those five words hold no truer meaning than they do now, those same five words would have been brushed aside as mere fantasy all but a year ago. Now they stand at the forefront of my mind, an achievement still being written.

Complication, throughout the year things have got in the way of my ambitions, things came up set to ruin me at times, cause mere nuisances in others...but let me tell you this, each one was met with panic and resolve in equal measure, times of desperation and worry met with a mind working at it's peak, as far as we know, all have been met...only time will tell if that is truly the case.

Vindication, all of the hard work, all of the months of excitement and pain, the days of elation, to the nights of despair, I went through them all, and came out on top...today I signed the release form for derby, today I stepped into the hole I called a university for the last time, today was a true realisation I had achieved all I had set out to do. Never has that happened before, never before had I put so much effort into anything in my life...and while the journey continues, I realise that with my steely resolve, anything is possible.

Justification, for all the tens of thousands spent on my life to date, from all the years of lessons, life and education alike. From the times of comfort and scolding from friends and family alike...today, tonight, right now as I type this, as I speak it out loud in my mind. I have justified not only my determination, but also all of your faith in me.

Preperation, the times ahead will not be easy, life will throw up challenges that require the very best minds to defeat...a year ago I would have curled up in a ball to avoid them, not anymore...with my mindset now it is only a matter of careful planning and consideration that will see even the tallest of mountains fall. I will give everything my upmost dedication, of that you have my word.

Anticipation, while the last year has been intense, the next one proves to be even greater. Even in the next month alone I will confront some of my biggest challenges to date. A game I'm only in my infancy, taking on the best the country has to offer...a game where I consider myself a veteran, taking on the might of the world, albeit on an amateur level. Then in the remainder, a new challenge in a foreign place, all too close to home...

But let me tell you this, from the magic GB nationals, I will throw my best at it, the willpower will be more than any in that room will be able to conjoure, Sheffield will understand true mental might...from the amateur world series, to the people that have backed and staked me in it, you have my passion and soul on the line, nobody will walk into that building with more force than me, with more determination than me, with more untapped talent than me...with more than me. You have eveything from me of that I promise instantly....and to my future at Trent, you have my heart, my academic mind, my unwavering commitment, and most of all my passion...I spent my last two years of being trying to be in your doors, considered amongst your ranks, I will not let this opportunity go to squander, I did before, but never again...

Conflicting emotions, only overridden by the desire to win, to fight, to challenge the world and come out on top no matter the route or discipline required...all this from an overweight depressed defeated man only last august

...wow, amazing what a year can do isn't it...