Refreshed. Refocused. Ready.

I was crushed.

APAT worlds was the culmination of my amateur year, people put faith in me on a scale id never before seen...six events, world championships, high rollers...id been in them all, my reputation and past form getting me the chances of a lifetime. But it didn't happen. Six misses, some of my best play mixed with some of my worst...it wasn't nice to watch, even worse to be a part of. No silver medals, no bracelets, no cashes....barely a respectable finish.

I was crushed.

A good friend of mine was unflinching in his advice...take a break from the game...i did, it was something that needed to happen...my mind wasn't where it needed to be. I'd burnt myself out and had nothing to show for it, so the break was welcome, it gave me a chance to focus on other things, my relationships with people, friends, family...and to be honest my life couldn't be in a better position than it is now...and just the thought of it is making me have to choke back emotions.

My family life is back on track, arguments a thing of the past, we made amends on all fronts...coming back home isn't painful now, we work as a unit towards a common goal again. For the first time in years the focus point of getting to America is now in full swing. Long have i dreamed of flying the nest and becoming the independent soul ive always wanted to...soon i will get that chance, with it comes boundless possibilities, a possible career, new friends, a new lifestyle...all of this is to come...along with the chance to be only four hours away from a place i have dreamed of my entire life.

Also for the first time in my life i have found someone that i cherish (now i really am choking back emotions, sigh)...ive managed to find a woman that appreciates me for everything i am, qualities and problems alike...i couldn't ask for more. The smile on my face when i see her, the warm feeling when im around her. It's unlike anything ive had before...people who know me know im not one to show emotions, not one to experience emotions, but she has changed all that and for the better...Not a day goes by that i don't understand just how special she is to me, and how lucky i am to be where i am now...and even if it wasn't to last, i would always cherish what we have had...i hope it never ends...she lights up my world like nobody else. And as it currently stands i want nobody else in my life than the most beautiful amazing person i know right now...she really is perfection.

All of this has allowed me to refresh my mind, it's allowed me to go back into the game i love with renewed determination. Sure to some people the level i play at is small, pointless, largely not deserving of such a post as this...but you don't understand, nor will you ever appreciate how much it means to me. I give my everything to this game, recently it was causing me problems, but now those have all been sorted, im back to the good old days...the days when i was a bratty 18 year old, no ties, no targets, no aims, nothing to distract from becoming the best...there was a time where people were taking notice...long may they return, and long may they stay.

It's allowed me to refocus my mind, i've got to know some amazing people in my life...and now i am utilizing everything i have at my disposal, the team i have behind me, from reporters to players to rising stars to professionals alike, all of them seem willing to aid me in this most grand of causes...again you might think im overdoing this...imagine what im like when it's on the scale i dream of?

All of my life is poised perfectly. I'm Refreshed...feeling as great as i have in a long time and ready to take on the challenges ahead of me come what may. I'm Refocused, a revitalized determination that has always astounded people with its ferocious intent...i will become a champion of this game before too long and i dont care what it takes to get there. I'm Ready.

I was crushed...but not anymore.