Confessions Of A Rising Star

This isn't going to be one of the usual blogs you see on here, for once im just going to speak directly, im not going to paraphrase anything, im just going to say what goes through my head, and put it down...given the impending week, i feel its the best way to be.

Im worried, i know im a good poker player, my results have shown that time and time again...i know ive put practice in recently in a time where finding money was hard, if not nearly impossible. But im a believer that no amount of practice will truly be enough in this game. its all about the day itself...and that's what concerns me.

Skill wise im one of the best in that room and i know it myself, but variance gets in the way of everything, six times ive bust in the last few weeks ive got the money in ahead, only for lady luck to stab me in the back...yeah sure ive had some good times along the way, but for the most part the key moments have been riddled with misfortune...hell, on my final table back in April i was hit with a one outer, had that not happened i could easily have won the whole thing...

If this world series is to prove as fruitful as i know it can be the luck has to turn around...im a massive advocate for luck going in cycles...you get as much good as you do bad...i bloody hope so anyway because by that logic im in for a seriously good few days...

Thing is, its not for me alone this time, ive got a backing group of 11 friends putting me into these events, and i don't want to let them down... they've put some serious faith, not to mention alot of money, into me here...and at no point do i actually come back on Monday and have nothing to show for it...alot of them have said that they understand the risks involved but it would still hurt me to be giving nothing back to those that have invested in me...

The only comfort i can take is that with such investments it goes some way to prove that other people consider my abilities good enough...and i take that to heart...at no point when i was selling these shares did i push the idea, at no point did i ask people to invest...and that was planned, i didn't want to force my events into peoples faces and almost pester them to invest, i wanted to showcase what was on offer and leave the choice to other people...and it worked, while ive bought some shares myself yes, of the 50 that were up for grabs, 36 of them went to other people...and there's one key thing people have to realize with the other 14

They aren't just for me. If you look on the share sheet its got my dad's name alongside mine, ive bought these with the intention of doing this half for myself and half for my parents...win a side event, im taking them out, win the main...im taking them abroad. that was my plan from the start, so being the majority stakeholder is on purpose, it made sure i was able to give not only to my friends, but to the very people who put me where i am today...in the past they didn't approve of what i do, and i don't actually think they still do...but they seem to be behind me, and either way, its as much for them as it is for me...

The money helps in that i can pay friends a bunch, i can enter bigger events, i can give back to my family...but from a personal perspective the money means nothing...im not a man of material possessions, even though i adore having nothing but the best. In things like this the accolades are what matter to me the most, people will mention that ive won £10,000...let them, but the people that call me an amateur world champion, that's what i want to hear the most...the money is a byproduct of my personal goal...if the buy-ins for the majors were all free id give every penny away to the people i know and love...and that's a fact

Its been a long time coming, months of planning, hours of practice, days of intense thinking, all boiling down to these last three days...on Wednesday i intend to dissapear from the world...perhaps ill write one last blog on the evening, it might calm my nerves...im not normally worried about anything like this, hell ive played bigger buy-ins and bigger fields in the past...but none of them carried so much on my shoulders.

These are the confessions of a rising star, destined one day to stand at the pinnacle of the very sport he picked up in a bar in Nottingham fifteen years ago...lets all just hope and pray the skill holds true, and the luck stays honest...if that happens, anything is possible