The Blogger's Dream

Now it's not often i get the chance to write up one of these blogs for nothing but personal gain, but today seems the chance. Although in fairness, id have written about this anyway.

In just about a weeks time, this very blog could be put into the public consciousness, how? through the WBCOOP (World Bloggers Championship of Online Poker). Its exclusive, its got some pretty nifty prizes, its likely to be full of people with a mixed range of talent, some there for a good time...some there to take it serious. But more than that...its a step forward for not only me. But my backers alike.

These events offer SCOOP tickets as prizes....the very events that cause dreams to be made, cast and thrown into the minds of those who play them. I would play them anyway. but the more tickets earned as a result...the better it gets for everyone...why? because ive already penciled in the events i want to play (based on last years schedule...come on pokerstars give me my damn list for this year!)...so every ticket won will just be added into the schedule rather than free-rolling me into events...

As for the series itself...should i cash, a ticket gets posted into the account...for the $5,000 main event. And that's where my passion lies for this...people who read this blog know full well about the ferocity i put into these kinds of events...and that kind of cash (around £3,200 at last check) would put me into the events ive dreamt of for so many years...

If i won it? it would pay for the dream of a lifetime, the UKIPT Nottingham would become an instant seller, rather than me having to find backers to make up whatever i can...it would pay for events in the SCOOP as mentioned....im also fairly certain it'd take me on holiday as a treat for the victory..., it would pay for the victory party of a lifetime as well...ive booked out various nightclubs in Nottingham because of wins before...pretty certain you can do alot with that kind of cash (free bar anyone? :D). But the victory itself would give me one thing that money cannot buy...one thing that, as it stands...ive come close to but never actually felt.

Satisfaction.

Ive come within one card of becoming a world champion before...and that, to this day...leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, so to be able to call myself the best poker playing blogger in the world? with the bankroll to put me into the events ive spent the best part of my life trying to get to?

Where do i sign?...


(Also in backing news, currently the shares for the UKIPT Nottingham are evaporating at an alarming rate...seems turning around 10,000% ROI is causing people to stump up and put some faith in a stubborn horse!...remember that its £3.85 per share, worth 0.25% of the winnings from the event, which could turn £3.85 to an estimated £375...pretty certain if you bought four lottery tickets and got back four hundred quid you'd be loving life :D)

Looking Ahead

It's two words I use an awful lot. Looking ahead. It's something I do quite alot, planning ahead has always given me stability, always given me time to prepare, to focus on the good, eliminating the bad. And from the look of things it needs to be back in my life. I won't give cryptic clue in this blog, nor will I beat about the bush either.

Friends, family and backers alike. Read this and read it well.

I'm taking march off...now don't get me wrong ill likely play a few events but it'll be entirely off my own back. I've looked ahead to realise that so much more matters than just small events to pass the time, extending a small yet flourishing record is all well and good, but there's no big hit, no major score. I've come second, but in a series few people actually pay attention to. That stops now.

On April 19th the UKIPT Nottingham kicks off. And I will be there.
The buyin may be £770 (five times larger than I've ever played. But I will be there.

I'm taking march off to revise, to focus my mind on the largest event I'll have ever played...regardless of the amount of backing I get I will put up every penny I don't manage to get. I'll buy books, take notes, talk to close friends both in and out of the poker circles. I'll work on my discipline, my drive is already there but I'll focus on harnessing it. I'll create new contacts, forge new allies.

I will walk into that Thursday as a man totally prepared for the task that lays ahead, focused and committed to bring home every drop of potential I have. Ready to take the world by storm unlike anything else.

This event has international implications: I'll be ready
This event is the longest I've ever entered: I'll be ready
This event has the most pros assembled all year: I'll be ready
This event will have sponsors looking for the next thing: I'll be ready
This event has a six digit first prize: I'll be ready

This event has me: I'll be ready


For anyone in doubt of how seriously committed I am about this I suggest you read again. This event is the biggest shot at forging a future in this game...I've spent 15 years, three quarters of my life, getting to this stage. It's not enough. I want more...

So to my backers, while your numbers have dwindled, get yourself in on this, I've got everything on my sleeve for this so it won't go to waste
So to my family, you might not approve of what I'm about to do but it won't change, so long as I have some support, that's all that counts
So to my friends, be there if you can...as a backer or just for support, I need to rally everyone I know for this...I promise by all I hold it will be worth it in the end...

I'm looking ahead to a brighter future, to a better me...and while it might take the next days and weeks to get there, it will happen...

Just wait, look ahead...see what I plan to create.

The Beginnings Of A Revolution

This month.....i have no idea what it is but something feels better than usual. Now dont get me wrong it might be because i won one of the first tournaments online i entered for the year (not the first time its been the 13th that was a win either) thats making me all hyper and giddy...but if its not then i seriously believe i stand a chance of becoming a big name in at least one of the games i play...not this year, but this month.

Alot had been mentioned of prioritizing, i couldnt keep trying to be as big as i was in all that i did. Something had to give. And while it has, ive managed to keep two loves together for a while at least. And couldnt be more happy about it!

This month sees the coming together of these two great adventures, it might only be the first month of the year but it already has the potential to become huge, with alot of lasting consequences.

To win one side books me a ticket to barcelona, competing against the best in the world...normally i enter these on nothing more than hope and prayers. Not this time. For once ive got a deck that ive perfected and have never felt so confident going in. It's secret weapons will baffle and confuse all those around me, because lord knows i only need to win 9 matches to get there...ive won more than that every day ive tested...seems good right?

To win the other side would catapult me into the dreams ive held for so many years. provide me with the type of cash some people spend an entire year to earn...maybe even more. It would put me in the spotlight, even if only for one fleeting moment...This is the route that matters the most to me, and always will. I was within seconds, inches, a single breath from being in that spotlight already...and its a burning ambition that still lights the fire to this day.

I dont start games, sports, anything. To come close and settle for that. Not now. Not ever.

This month will shape the entire year, and while the first pieces look promising, things could so easily change either way. All that i can hope is that at the end, i can throw the victory party that was snatched from my grasp all those months ago.

Trust me, its been 5 months in the making...i wont be denied it twice...

2012, Building Upon Foundations

For the first time in my life i get to sit back and reflect on a year i tried to predict, sitting next to me is the very words i typed out for my breakout year post...and reading back now a year wiser makes me realise a few things.

I sat down last year saying that i would be the person to watch for, the one that could adapt to changes faster than anyone else...that i would make my mark upon a game or sport, but didn't know which. And while my name isn't in lights all over the place, the "breakout" did happen...but in ways closer to home.

I've come within inches of becoming a world champion...that was a feeling i will treasure for many years, sure i got robbed, but the game of poker is luck as much as skill, it just wasn't meant to be on that day...but my day will come i assure you. This year coming up has events that can define already made career's....imagine what they'd do to a blossoming one?

The thing is...this year those events were mere fantasy to me, i wanted to play them, but was destined never to reach past £100 buyins...there's a key reason for that...buyins for most of the year had to be met entirely out of my own pocket, very little was doable to get into the bigger reaches.

Two things have changed that.

1. I have a collection of friends who without which i wouldn't be where i am now, they put me into events that have made me capable of reaching new heights, bigger events, closer than ever before to becoming a fully fledged professional, and also (and this is actually a scoop for people who read it) my friends have made me play so much, so well, so big...that ive started to become noticed...

2. Next year money from my own pocket will not be an issue, savings funds, student loans, bursaries and (hopefully) winnings will be able to put me into events the likes of which are the stuff of dreams...past that it's anyone's guess.

Overall this year has been great, ive met some new and interesting people, created a social network i could have only dreamt of at the start of the year, have discovered which of the two main paths im to go down but still more than ready to switch over should the second route prove more lucrative. Formed my own team with hopes to make it the UK's best and biggest and so much more that its impossible to fit onto a single blog.

For next year, the dream is to get more backers, get more results, get more dreams accomplished and hopefully, just hopefully. complete the dream of a lifetime and win of the biggest events the world has ever seen, while supported by the friends and family i treasure the most...if that happens, expect to see the night skies lit by the party of a lifetime i plan to throw.

From Our Friends To You: Merry Christmas

Well, tis the season again...and while im aware we will all end up on computers tomorrow for one reason or another. I thought id take this opportunity, yet again. To wish you all a merry Christmas, a prosperous new year, and all's hoping a smashing start to 2012!

Realization

To write two of these blogs describing a single event is not something ive done before...but its something i feel i need to do, this is my avenue to express all the feelings i have, its my avenue to describe in some small way what im feeling at this given moment. I wont give a long doctored speech, what i type in this will be like those before it, pure emotions spilled into letters on a page.

Im nervous. I wish i could say that im the picture of serene grace, the picture of calm in a storm...but i just cant. This event is on a scale i have never imagined, anticipated yes, but never truly grasped until i woke up this afternoon...It concerns me not just of the scale, not just of the weight now on my shoulders...but also of its lasting implications.

I said yesterday i consider myself a true poker player now...that still holds true, but only now have i truly understood what it meant...im not the man who makes his money from £20 freeze-outs anymore. Im not the man who sits back waiting for his next big break to come worth little more than a weeks wages...things have changed.

The scale has changed. The needs have changed. The pressure has changed.

While i sit here with butterflies in my stomach, comprehending just what leap im about to make, be under no illusion that it does not affect the sheer force i will take into not only this tournament, but the years to come. Before i was just a local player, before i was just one of the also-ran's...destined to play in events no bigger than the size of my wallet, prizes no bigger than the size of a night out.

Those days are over.

I cant sit by anymore while i watch those around me scale new heights...sure my wallet cant hack the buy-ins i dream of, and hell my skill isn't up to world class level yet. But the passion is, has, and will always be. Bigger than any of those before me.

Butterflies in the stomach do not mean it affects the end result. When the clocks strikes tonight, i will be sat down in a sea of tens of thousands. We all have dreams, we all have hopes and wishes. We all probably know what we'd do with the money if we won....And its that last point that separates me from the pack. Shows me for what im worth...or more importantly, what i fight for.

The money i win tonight will be split between those that have put their faith in me. Those that have put there support in me. This is what separates me from the rest. No buy-in is out of reach, no mountain too hard to scale. I consider every person stood beside me tonight as an extra life, to use one of pokers most famous sayings...i have 16 "One Time"'s at my disposal...Hold on, because i may need them yet.

We stand together for this one, of that i am sure, but its implication reaches far past this event. Its shown me i have supporters in the most unlikely of places, in the most amazing number of people. Next year i set myself the task of exploding on the scene with a serious bang...with these by my side, anything. And i mean anything. Is possible

Realization. Its a word i toss around quite alot, but every time with meaning. Tonight is the start of something more...the start of a realization that this is no longer a hobby...this is no longer just a mere fantasy, a dream in the vivid mind of a 20 year old from Nottingham...no, this is more.

This is the life i am now sculpting. With my friends, family, supporters and backers alike beside me...we cant lose.

We wont lose.

The Prelude

Its been months since ive sat down and accurately written out my emotions, hopes, dreams...three months since ive been able to sit down and let everything pour out. Its given me time to sit back, take stock, realise the things in life that matter...

But also, its allowed me to pursue a passion to such an extent which ive never been able to before. Supporters have numbered far more than ever before...results have started coming in on a scale unlike anything before...while i may have won less this year (so far) than i did last year...the wins have meant more, come from bigger, been achieved through tougher...

I am a poker player, before i wasn't so sure, i wondered if it was all an illusion. Just a hope that would ultimately prove a step too far. But now it feels real, ive had people putting there support into me through more than just words. Ive been within inches of true greatness. Ive taken part in events that until recently were nothing but mere fantasy. And from friends to family alike, i have them to thank for that.

Tomorrow marks a step into the world i aim to join. Recent weeks have been the biggest ive ever faced, and while ive not actually won, ive come alot further than was possible before, than i thought was possible now...but will be easily possible in the future. I walk into this feeling unlike before, feeling the world is behind me, support from places i didn't think were possible before. Its no small achievement to be where i am now, my career isn't even two full years in the making, yet my aims for the future are the stuff of true professionals. the aims reflect where i think 2012 will stand. and tomorrow is the start of that journey.

I seriously believe it this time. before was hope mixed, tainted almost, with the idea of what might happen should i not succeed. But for the last few weeks ive only thought of that once, and unlike before that was quelled by one of the new supporters, every other time has been the image of me collapsing on the desk as the computer reads the millions now in my bank. the career etched off the back of five small cards......the career created by the 16 people who stood by me on that fateful first step up the staircase of champions...at the top rests my dreams, ambitions, lifetime's goals. Tomorrow i stand there at the bottom...its only seven steps, surely it cant be that hard surely?

Its The Prelude to a great future. tomorrow starts the journey of a lifetime, regardless of the result it will be an experience ive yet to enjoy...and for once, with the people beside me, backers, friends and family alike...i seriously feel like they're lifting me onto the first step.

From there....its all up to me.

On Thee Our Hopes We Fix

Six words...that's all it is, it's old English...sounds boring, to some probably half pointless...it could be expressed more easily, it could probably sound better as well...but those words belong to something rather special to me...and tonight, while i understood it anyway, ive come to realise how much its meaning matters to me, and how much bearing it has on everything i do going forward...

Let me take you on a small journey of a person i once knew...he was a simple kid, with simple ambitions...did well at school, didn't exactly have many friends but made do with what he could...he was young and talented yet boisterous and sometimes controversial.

But one thing i know was certain, he was ambitious if nothing else...he took beatings in almost every sense possible, but always got back up regardless, his aims were high, yet clear, crazy, yet realistic...but as the years went on his passion started to fade, various factors in various sports and past-times just got in the way, from swimming to golf, racing to badminton with some archery in-between, he went through every avenue and sport type he could only to be stopped dead...not that he didn't try, he wasn't able to go any further. So dwindled into nothing more than a place-filler in society... albeit a very loud and excitable one.

But one day, not that very long ago, i saw him take center stage for the first time in his life...and it was in something where he had complete control, nobody and nothing could interfere except for luck...he seemed on top of the world, and while the result didn't turn out to be perfect, looking back i can see his smile, it looked fake at the time but i realise now it wasn't, he was proud of what he'd achieved, and set out to do so much more...the amount of support he carried that day was unlike anything before...he realized what he was fighting for, and it was for more than just himself...and from what i see now it changed him...he was symbolizing something on that day as well, but only because of honor, not out of commitment...that's changed now.

Anyone guessed his name?

Peter Thorpe

Yeah, tonight i was able to look back properly, at a moment in time full of forward movements, full of triumphs and exciting times...and notice that one night in my life changed me and my perception on everything i do...i sat down and fought as nothing more than a patriot, a fan of the game, for backers, supporters and myself...but now looking back, as the night went on i realized that things, from one minute to the next. Changed.

I went from fighting for myself to caring about everything else instead

I went from wanting to do well for friends and supporters to throwing everything at trying for them

I went from a simple patriot to fighting tooth and nail to get my country's flag at the top...

I went from simply wearing a national symbol to feeling it physically attached to me...

And i love how it changed to that...

I spent years trying, im a born fighter even if it doesn't always look it from the defeatist front i show, usually that's just me wanting space while i contemplate how i plan to bounce back. But everytime i showed promise, something always got in my way...from instructors getting fired, to a lack of instructors commitment to help, to groups disbanding and money just not being there...now with things in my hands theres no limit to what i can achieve save lady luck stepping in...

Ive spent years moulding myself into the person you see today, sometime a year could change me, sometimes even a month...but on that night, one simple experience changed me more than years before could manage. It made me a winner...

Tonight, typing this, alot is still changing. Im at the beginning of something I set out to do two years ago, ive set the ball rolling of something i wanted to do almost fifteen years ago, ive laid the foundations of someone i wanted to be with over a year ago...while in the past certian events have tried to derail me, and some still could...tonight i feel like ive achieved something...

But one thing eludes me...and tonight i will show you what that is, usually i keep my rituals a closely guarded secret, nobody knew the waistcoat was in my bag when i made that final table...and nobody knew until today what id be learning, what, when i won, would have seen my heart pour out

This

Wait for it...one day soon i swear on everything i live by, i will be standing proud, with those words ringing out, tears down my eyes, representing everything and everyone i love so dearly...

You have my word

APAT World Champs: Series Review

Well, that's the end of that. My first ever live series of poker and what a way to kick things off. I say that, but in terms of lasting impressions...they are severely lacking.

A series that promised so much eventually delivered a morsel of joy in a sea of disappointment, and that morsel was thrown at me rather early. To put this in to contrast below is the list of my finishing places in the weekends five events

Stud Championship: 2nd Place
Heads Up Championship: Tied 9th Place
HORSE Championship: 38th Place
Hold'em Championship, Main Event: 169th Place (Day 1b)
Omaha Championship: 112th Place

It started so well as well, i was over a 3-1 chiplead heads up in the stud, he was all in and behind, only two outs to his straight, i damn as well nearly had both hands on that title, but alas he hits not only the river king to survive, but also river two pair's to knock me out hands later...it stung and its a wound i dont think will heal for some time...he was a worthy winner make no mistake about that, but to come so close, to literally be stood up about to shake his hand, and to be slammed back into my seat by a sickening cooler like that, it will live with me for some time...

I also made a personal achievement of mine, my first ever interview (Found Here), i was nothing more than a bag of nerves but i answered honestly and professionally and i hope it to be the first of many...but it turned out to be bitter sweet....while i was a "potential rising star of the series"...it frittered away into nothing more...

It hurts, to come off the back of a 2nd place in my first ever series event, limit event, live stud event...you name it and it was my first of it...hell i was the youngest at that final table i reckon by a clear five years! only then to get one match off cashing in the heads up and nothing else...it leaves a taint on what promised to be such a great series.

All i wanted was exposure, im not going to lie here the money meant literally nothing to me...my only wish was to get returns for my backers (which i still have to thank for giving me the chance to do what i have) and for me to gain a place in the spotlight, no matter how little it lasted...i failed in both, sure five backers were pretty happy with their returns but the rest got let down and for that i am forever in your debt, as for the exposure, well the interview is nice but it doesnt grant me what i truly aimed for...to have had my picture on poker news outlets would have been the ultimate dream...i didnt even come close. I understand the dream is unrealistic, but you'll come to understand i never want anything "conventional".

Now i want to make clear now i enjoyed every moment of the experience, i have fond memories that will take me forward in this game, but looking back i realize that not only was i good, but that for the most part two things have become very apparent...and while ill get cynics for this i feel its the truth

1. if not for bad luck id have at least one win this year, and gone alot deeper in at least the main event if not more
2. its made me realize how fiercely competitive i am, one 2nd place would make anyone else happy...especially if it was their first ever major series, but not me, i wanted more. and i still do

From this series i will move forward, taking the game even more seriously than i do now, knowing that consistent results are the only way forward, along with a little dabble of good luck...there is no limit to what i can achieve.

Editors Note: After writing this ive been reading pokernews and realised that, even by only name, the winners of each side event got a mention...this has greatly upset me, that was my dream and lady luck denied it me...while i totally understand that luck is a factor in poker...this has made me even more determined to rise to the top of the game...as such i have reevaluated my plan for the next few months, while i was going to take a break after the series i will now be focusing on any major event that arises in the coming weeks

A Midnight Dreamer, A Symbol In The Distance

That's all it boils down to really...nothing more simple than that

Tonight, while I wish I was asleep, resting my weary mind and preparing for the biggest week of my short career. I sit here writing my feelings out yet again, and yet again, on an august month, worry takes over...this month doesn't like me it seems!

Many days, I sit here and think, ponder, worry, but occasionally I dream, dream of a better life, dream of a better world for me and those I cherish the most...I dream of realising ambitions, of conquering mountains, of having the world on my shoulders and still coming out on top...tonight though, it's far bigger than that. And for once, everyone else knows it too.

The next five days are unlike anything else for me, to some this will be a week of results, of which I wish you all the best, to some it will just be a normal week...nothing will have changed, you might not even know why it's of relivance...to a select few hundred however, they will be decending on my home territory, competing for the biggest titles an amateur can hope to win.

Now to some it will just be a bit of a laugh, to some a weekend out in a new city...to a select few it will be events to fufill sponsors commitments, some will be laisse faire, some locked and focused...

But let me tell you this, none of you. And I mean none of you, go into this week like me.

I go into this series on my breakout year, my first ever major events will unfold in mere hours, and nobody will come close to the unrestrained passion I am about to unleash...nobody

I go into this off the back of my biggest preparation to date, some play on spontaneous impulse. Some have days to think...but nobody had the dream for a year like me, or the two months of setting myself up. Nobody

I go into this with one of the strongest backing groups around, im here for them, my passion is for them, my commitment for them...some want profits, some want the experience, most want both...and nobody has a group that, when it matters, will stand beside me as that last card is turned and I go from a finger on the trophy to a full grasp. Nobody

This is my series, this is my moment to shine, this is my time to prove to the world yet again that when I sit down to achieve, nothing, nobody. Gets in my way...be under no illusion the fire in my heart tonight, I plan to go all guns blazing this week, and when the dust settles, only I will be standing...

Dusk till Dawn is my local hunting ground, your coming into my territory, my palace...it's the best in Europe for a reason, it's got some of the best players for a reason, and when this week is out, one more name will be considered in it's ranks, I swear by it.

I'll go into these events with passion, determination, talent, stubbornness and skill...but also with a package...a simple one at that. Only a select few know what it is...but let it be known when the time calls for it, it will grace the cardroom, on my shoulders it will prove something, it will show a reason I am there, something that throughout my life I have fought for, I'll look stupid, people will question it. I don't care, it symbolises a big part of my life...and will make a statement unlike anything else.

If this made no sense I appologise, but let me be consice...a few lines showing this 19 year old for everything he is

Passion. Determination. Nationalistic. Untapped Talent. Fierce. Prepared. Tough. Powerful.
A Dreamer.